Today I
had to break the bad news to two of my friends. I wanted to avoid those
conversations for as long as possible. I was afraid that talking about my
cancer would be more of a reality check than I was ready for and I didn’t want
to get upset in front of anyone. I wanted my friends to know that I was going to
be ok. It turned out that I was nervous for no reason. I was able to tell my
friends what was going on, even going into detail, without getting the least
bit upset. They couldn’t believe how positive I was being, but again, I knew
that peace and calmness came only from Jesus! One of my friends said that my
attitude about my current situation really shows the kind of person I am and
that if I can get through this then I can get through anything! Not that I
needed his approval or satisfaction, but that statement was very encouraging.
Tonight one of my best friends also sent me the sweetest message: “Just in the
past two days your faith has had an effect on me that wants mine to be that
much stronger and I feel so many people are going to be blessed by you through
this.” That one message touched my heart like nothing ever has before. Of
course I don’t want to be sick, but if people notice my faith though this
that would be a huge blessing.
Lord
Jesus, I pray that You will put Your healing hand on me and work and miracle
and heal me from this cancer. I have the faith that You can and You will do
that! God, I also pray that I will influence people’s lives because of my
situation and that the lost will come to know You and people will see how
having even the “faith of a mustard seed” can change their life! I love You,
Jesus and I will praise Your name always!Later today my mood changed a good bit. I went to get my hair done, didn’t like the way it turned out, and I guess that was just the final straw…as silly as it sounds. I haven’t been sleeping good and I had a headache and I am not allowed to take any pain meds because they can thin your blood and that is a precaution for my upcoming surgery, so the one thing I wanted to make me happy was to get my hair done, so when that turned out wrong I just had a breakdown. I felt so shallow and vein getting upset about my hair at a time like this, but it honestly wasn’t even about my hair. It was simply that with everything else dragging me down this afternoon, when the one little thing I was looking forward to went wrong, I just lost it. Luckily my ill mood didn’t last long and it picked up when we went over to John and Beth’s tonight for a cookout. We had such a good time. Then tonight when we got back home Chris (my 12 yr old brother) came in my room and gave me the trophy that his team had won in their baseball tournament over the weekend. He said that he and his coach thought I should have it. Again, I cried. He has the biggest heart and that made my whole day so much better!
“I trust God with my life…after all, He gave it to me.”
“Whatever you ask for in prayer, with faith, you will
receive.” –Matthew 21:22
“Oh Lord my God, I called to You for help and You healed me.”
–Psalm 30:2
“It is You who made the heavens and the earth by Your great
name. Nothing is too hard for You.” –Jeremiah 32:17
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