One week of radiation down! It feels so good to say that! Now I'm just counting down to coming home! The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. So many unknowns, but the Lord continues to renew my hope and my strength and I am so thankful! Right after finding out the results of my CT scan, showing that the chemo treatments were not working like my doctors had hoped, I found out my new treatment plan. I also found out that another scan would be needed, a PET scan, before beginning my new treatments. The CT scan only showed the cancer in my head and neck region, but a PET scan would reveal if the cancer had spread anywhere else in my entire body. The doctor who discussed this with me was confident that the PET scan would not show any spreading, considering the CT scan had shown that the cancer was still localized in the same region as before, but I was still a nervous wreck! Scans tear my nerves up. I am thankful that my doctors are so cautious but the thought of another scan and waiting for more results was a lot to handle. That Friday, April12th, I had my PET scan and that was quite an experience! I've had several PET scans previously so I thought I knew the drill...no food or drinks other than water before the scan. I thought the whole point was that nothing could be in your stomach or it would throw the scan off. Well, I was wrong. I had a piece of gum on the way to my appointment and that caused my appointment to be pushed back four hours! Long story short, you aren't supposed to use your muscles to chew. Clearly I didn't know. Since my first scan was scheduled for 12:30 pm I was already hungry and being a chemo patient I get nauseous easily, so you can imagine to mood I was in. Then the receptionist at the doctor's office kept putting her two cents in when I was trying to talk to mama. After I walked away she asked mama how old I was and told mama she had a daughter my same age. Then she continued by saying "Then why do they continue to act like they're two sometimes?" I hate to admit it, but it's probably a good thing I wasn't around when she made this comment because I would have wanted to let her have it! It made mama highly mad, and she replied by saying something along the lines of, "Well does your daughter have cancer? I think Jenna has the right to act however she wants to right now." You would've thought that guilt trip would have shut her up, but no such luck. Thankfully, I ended up falling asleep in the waiting room which helped the time pass faster and then when it was finally time for my scan I had the sweetest young girl help me. She even remembered me from last time and sat back there and talked to me. People like her belong working in these environments. I would like to weed out a few of these others though! Ha!
During the weekend I tried to stay busy and not focus on beginning my new treatments or the results of my latest scan, but that's always easier said than done. On Monday afternoon I went to the doctor's office for what I thought was my first round of radiation but once I got there I was informed that my radiologist still needed more x-rays because he was still working on my treatment plan. I tried not to let it show until we left the office, but that made me a nervous wreck thinking it had something to do with the results of my PET scan. Little did I know that the main hospital downtown hadn't even read my scan yet, much less sent the results to my doctors. This put me over the edge. I had waited long enough on those results and the little patience I had was wearing thin. I came home and went to sleep. That's all I knew to do to keep from driving myself crazy. A few hours later, late afternoon by this time, mama calls me into the kitchen. One of the doctor's from the clinic I go to here in Katy, not even my doctor but one I have seen a few times when she has been on call, called to let mama know my results. She had been the one to discuss the need for another scan and she knew how worried I was about the results. That was so sweet of her. Just like she thought, the rest of the PET scan was CLEAR! The cancer has NOT spread anywhere else in my body! I felt like I could finally relax and breathe again! God is so good! Once again, He not only took care of me but He continues to restore my hope!
The following morning I went to the clinic to start my new chemo regimen along with my first radiation treatment. Looking back, the devil himself must've been clinging to me and my surroundings early last week because other than the wonderful news from my PET scan nothing was going right. I think the devil just kept throwing things at me trying to make me forget about my good test results and lose focus. This day of chemo was a prime example. My nurse was getting the best of me to say the least. Usually when I go for chemo treatments I sit there, for several hours, and relax. I read, watch TV, sleep, whatever I want, but this time I felt like I was both the nurse and the patient. I knew it was a bad sign when she asked me if this was the right chemo drug to give me! Hellllllo, look at my chart! I'm on a new treatment plan and you're the nurse. How would I know?! Later she asked me what bandage to use to cover my pick line. Are you kidding me? Again, shouldn't she know this instead of me? Needless to say, this kind of thing continued to happen all day and I felt so insecure. She was a sweet lady and mama kept reminding me to be nice, but sometimes I'm sure the look on my face said it all. Not to mention my chemo was supposed to be finished around 3ish so I could go downstairs for radiation, well she didn't finish until 5:30, so when it was time for radiation, my very first treatment might I add, I had to roll my IV downstairs with me and stay hooked up to my chemo drugs while getting radiation. To put it mildly I was irritated. I promised mama I would word it nicely, and I did, but I was determined to let my doctor know that I never wanted this nurse giving me chemo again. The next day when I met with my doctor and he asked how my treatment went I very nicely summed it up for him. At first he laughed a little because of my reaction. By now he knows that I say whatever comes to mind!
After my "interesting" day of chemo therapy things have quieted down a little bit. I have gotten more good news from my doctor, saying that he looked at my scans and the cancer is still in small spots and that he doesn't see or feel any new abnormalities. I have now gone through my first week of radiation as well as the first week of my new chemo. Week two here we come! Let's get this show on the road so I can go home!
"I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you." - 2 Kings 20:5
"Step out on the edge. Don't be afraid of it. When you feel the rain, call His name. He'll find you in the hurricane." - Hurricane by Natalie Grant
Monday, April 22, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Restored Hope
I've known all along this scan was coming. After the second round of chemo it is pretty standard that the doctors ask for new scans to check and see how the patient is responding to their treatment. As the date of the scan was approaching I began getting more and more anxious. By Friday, three days before the scan, I was a nervous wreck. Since my last surgery I haven't allowed myself to feel my neck because I become a hypochondriac and will without a doubt feel a knot, so I've learned that it's best for me to just let the doctors do their job and keep my hands to myself. But on Friday afternoon in the middle of my uproar, fretting over Monday's scan, I began feeling, and sure enough I felt a knot. Of course it tears my nerves up and I started crying and even though it was after hours mama gave the doctor a call. Thankfully he was still at his office and was willing to check out my neck so I could have some peace of mind over the weekend. Once again, I am so grateful for my doctors here at MD Anderson. They will do absolutely anything for their patients! Mama and I drove over to the Katy clinic, about ten minutes from our home, and my doctor felt around my neck for any new knots. Since the knot I noticed was along the incision of my previous surgery and he didn't think the knot felt like cancer reoccurrence he wasn't worried and said it was most likely just scar tissue. I was still feeling nervous about my upcoming scan but that gave me some relief.
The weekend came and went in the blink of an eye and before I knew it Monday morning was here. My scan was first thing that morning and went by very quickly, but that's not the hard part. The most difficult part is waiting for the results. A few hours later at my doctors appointment I received the results of my scan. The results could have been worse, and I am thankful they were not, but they were far from being the results that I had been hoping and praying for. "My cancer had not responded to the chemo" were some of the hardest words I've ever had to hear. I sat there frozen. How could this be happening? I felt like every ounce of hope was fleeing from my body. The doctor went on to say that the cancer had not spread anywhere else in my body (that's the good part, and believe me, I am extremely thankful), and that we will now stop this form of treatment and go on to the second treatment, combined radiation and chemo therapy, which had been planned all along to start after my final round of this first treatment plan. My doctor was still very encouraging and very honest. The doctors here at MD Anderson are known and loved for that! She said that my cancer is still curable and she wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true. She said that her goal, along with the rest of my team of doctors, is to cure me. At the time all of her words were going in one ear and out the other, but I trust these doctors and I know they truly care for me and above all else I know the Lord is the Ultimate Healer and He can simply heal me with the touch of His hand or He can heal me though these amazing doctors.
I left the doctor's office Monday afternoon feeling worse than I ever have in my entire life. Satan was on my back making me feel hopeless, filling my head with negative thoughts. My hope and faith was at the lowest point of my life. I wasn't feeling mad at God or angry for Him allowing this to happen to me, I was just sad. That's the only way to explain it. Pure sadness. I was relying on that scan for hope. A boost of confidence that the chemo was working towards healing me. All I wanted was a reassurance of hope. I kept saying that over and over all afternoon and ended up crying myself to sleep. Then my prayer for hope was answered. Later that evening I received a phone call from a friend of a friend, a man I've never met. He had heard about me and the news I received and wanted to talk with me and share his story. He was in my shoes almost nine years ago and today he is cancer free. He not only had my same type of cancer, both on the base of his tongue and in his lymph nodes, but he also did not respond to chemo therapy, but radiation did the trick! My new friend was so encouraging to me and the Lord used this conversation to restore my hope, just like I asked Him to. Such an answered prayer. My new friend answered any questions I had, told me all about the radiation process, discussed any of the feelings I am experiencing because unless you have been there you can't feel my pain. It was so nice to talk with someone who has been in my shoes. It is so amazing how this man and I even crossed paths. The Lord has placed the most amazing people in my life since we moved to Texas! He knew we would need these people to stand by us, care for us, and be our prayer warriors and I am so thankful! I also received more encouraging news on Tuesday morning when mama talked on the phone with my oncologist from back home in Spartanburg. I don't know what it is about this doctor but something about him can always calm my nerves and he is the most caring doctor I've ever met. If I could put him in my pocket and carry him around with me, I would! Anyways, he told mama that it is not uncommon for my type of cancer to not respond to chemo therapy but that doctors always try that treatment first in order to shrink the tumors, but like my doctor here in Texas said, radiation is used to cure this cancer and he is very hopeful and confident that this method of treatment will cure me. Of course I wish the chemo had worked for me, but it helps knowing that I'm not the only one, that this isn't uncommon. My oncologist also told mama tips for me during radiation, how important it is for me to gain some weight, to continue eating and drinking for as long as I can, etc. He also always says that he and his wife are praying for me and that means more to me than anything else! He is so precious and I would recommend him to any cancer patient!
I keep thinking back to Sunday morning during church. I couldn't stay focused and I was praying and flipping through my Bible asking God to speak to me. I kept getting frustrated that my sad, worried thoughts about my upcoming scan were taking over my mind so I was about to close my Bible and give up when a verse that I had previously underlined, probably years ago, caught my eye. Psalm 103:3 says, "who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases." I had underlined "heals all your diseases." How amazing is that? I started tearing up and the biggest smile came cross my face. I never mentioned this to anyone, until writing this I've just kept it to myself, but the Lord spoke so clearly to me. He led me straight to that scripture and on days when I'm feeling hopeless or discouraged I'm just going to remind myself of that! God is so good!
"Don't be discouraged by closed doors. If God wants a door to open, all the forces of darkness cannot stop it."
"GOD is the reason why even in pain, I smile; in confusion, I understand; in betrayal, I trust; and in fear, I FIGHT."
"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5 *Talk about a promise!*
"The sick are healed and the dead are raised at the sound of Your Great Name."
The weekend came and went in the blink of an eye and before I knew it Monday morning was here. My scan was first thing that morning and went by very quickly, but that's not the hard part. The most difficult part is waiting for the results. A few hours later at my doctors appointment I received the results of my scan. The results could have been worse, and I am thankful they were not, but they were far from being the results that I had been hoping and praying for. "My cancer had not responded to the chemo" were some of the hardest words I've ever had to hear. I sat there frozen. How could this be happening? I felt like every ounce of hope was fleeing from my body. The doctor went on to say that the cancer had not spread anywhere else in my body (that's the good part, and believe me, I am extremely thankful), and that we will now stop this form of treatment and go on to the second treatment, combined radiation and chemo therapy, which had been planned all along to start after my final round of this first treatment plan. My doctor was still very encouraging and very honest. The doctors here at MD Anderson are known and loved for that! She said that my cancer is still curable and she wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true. She said that her goal, along with the rest of my team of doctors, is to cure me. At the time all of her words were going in one ear and out the other, but I trust these doctors and I know they truly care for me and above all else I know the Lord is the Ultimate Healer and He can simply heal me with the touch of His hand or He can heal me though these amazing doctors.
I left the doctor's office Monday afternoon feeling worse than I ever have in my entire life. Satan was on my back making me feel hopeless, filling my head with negative thoughts. My hope and faith was at the lowest point of my life. I wasn't feeling mad at God or angry for Him allowing this to happen to me, I was just sad. That's the only way to explain it. Pure sadness. I was relying on that scan for hope. A boost of confidence that the chemo was working towards healing me. All I wanted was a reassurance of hope. I kept saying that over and over all afternoon and ended up crying myself to sleep. Then my prayer for hope was answered. Later that evening I received a phone call from a friend of a friend, a man I've never met. He had heard about me and the news I received and wanted to talk with me and share his story. He was in my shoes almost nine years ago and today he is cancer free. He not only had my same type of cancer, both on the base of his tongue and in his lymph nodes, but he also did not respond to chemo therapy, but radiation did the trick! My new friend was so encouraging to me and the Lord used this conversation to restore my hope, just like I asked Him to. Such an answered prayer. My new friend answered any questions I had, told me all about the radiation process, discussed any of the feelings I am experiencing because unless you have been there you can't feel my pain. It was so nice to talk with someone who has been in my shoes. It is so amazing how this man and I even crossed paths. The Lord has placed the most amazing people in my life since we moved to Texas! He knew we would need these people to stand by us, care for us, and be our prayer warriors and I am so thankful! I also received more encouraging news on Tuesday morning when mama talked on the phone with my oncologist from back home in Spartanburg. I don't know what it is about this doctor but something about him can always calm my nerves and he is the most caring doctor I've ever met. If I could put him in my pocket and carry him around with me, I would! Anyways, he told mama that it is not uncommon for my type of cancer to not respond to chemo therapy but that doctors always try that treatment first in order to shrink the tumors, but like my doctor here in Texas said, radiation is used to cure this cancer and he is very hopeful and confident that this method of treatment will cure me. Of course I wish the chemo had worked for me, but it helps knowing that I'm not the only one, that this isn't uncommon. My oncologist also told mama tips for me during radiation, how important it is for me to gain some weight, to continue eating and drinking for as long as I can, etc. He also always says that he and his wife are praying for me and that means more to me than anything else! He is so precious and I would recommend him to any cancer patient!
I keep thinking back to Sunday morning during church. I couldn't stay focused and I was praying and flipping through my Bible asking God to speak to me. I kept getting frustrated that my sad, worried thoughts about my upcoming scan were taking over my mind so I was about to close my Bible and give up when a verse that I had previously underlined, probably years ago, caught my eye. Psalm 103:3 says, "who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases." I had underlined "heals all your diseases." How amazing is that? I started tearing up and the biggest smile came cross my face. I never mentioned this to anyone, until writing this I've just kept it to myself, but the Lord spoke so clearly to me. He led me straight to that scripture and on days when I'm feeling hopeless or discouraged I'm just going to remind myself of that! God is so good!
"Don't be discouraged by closed doors. If God wants a door to open, all the forces of darkness cannot stop it."
"GOD is the reason why even in pain, I smile; in confusion, I understand; in betrayal, I trust; and in fear, I FIGHT."
"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5 *Talk about a promise!*
"The sick are healed and the dead are raised at the sound of Your Great Name."
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