Friday, November 9, 2012

Waiting Room Confessions

November 7, 2012

                Today mama and I went back to Chapel Hill for my check up with my surgeon. I was dreading it, of course, but I was fine the entire 4 hour ride up there, but it’s like the moment we step out of the car a switch flips. I’m pretty sure my blood pressure shoots through the roof as soon as I enter the Chapel Hill city limits! As soon as we got into Dr. Weisler’s waiting room I was on edge. I feel like a complete brat when I say this, but I’m just being honest. Dr. Weisler’s waiting room drives me crazy! Since he is an ear, nose, and throat doctor his waiting room can be full of any kind of people, but nine out of ten times it is full of children and parents with babies. Don’t get me wrong, I love babies and little kids, but not in this setting. Not in any way do I think that I am his most important patient, but I do get the impression that I am most likely the only patient in the waiting room there to find out if I am cancer free or not. I could be wrong but I’m pretty positive that every other person in that waiting room is there because their baby needs tubes put in their ears or their child needs their tonsils checked. Not that those things should be taken lightly or that I am completely selfish and coldhearted but I don’t think that really compares to cancer, whether I am the patient or not. Point being, every time I sit in this waiting room, I feel different than the other patients. I know that my results from Dr. Weisler could change my life, so I sit there on edge, praying for peace and good news, trying to think of anything other than this doctor’s appointment, and just relax. In the meantime all of the other patients are being loud and carrying on and I sit there fussing (in my head) “Do you NOT know what I’m going through?! Can't you keep your kid in ONE chair?!” Well of course they don’t know! They don’t know me and they probably have no clue that a previous cancer patient would be seeing an ENT doctor. Well eventually the nurse takes me back to a room and it’s interesting because they do seem to treat me differently. The nurses always remember me and remember exactly what I am there for and exactly what I have had done. But then again, like I said, they probably don’t see very many cancer patients every day in this office. Once I was back in the room, after the nurse left and before Dr. Weisler came in, I got a little upset and started crying. I hate that I worry so much about my cancer returning. It drives me crazy, but I guess that’s normal. I’ve just got to pray for peace and have faith that the Lord will keep me healthy if that is in His plan. After Dr. Weisler came in I was fine. I pulled myself together and once he checked me out and told me that everything looked great I felt like I was really able to breathe again! Goooooobye Chapel Hill until January! I WON’T miss you!!
               Later I was thinking about how aggravated I get in Dr. Weisler’s waiting room and how ridiculous it is for me to get ill at those other patients for not being sympathetic to my situation even though they have no clue what my situation even is. It made me think how often we go through the motions without realizing how we are affecting others simply because we don’t know what they are going through. You can’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes. It isn’t fair. You never know what someone is dealing with, so be careful how you treat them.

 

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