I can't believe how fast time is going by here! I hope it goes by this quickly once my treatments begin! Of course this week has also been a little overwhelming, but overall it has been pretty nice. On Monday I spent four hours at the fertility doctor. At first the appointment wasn't going too well and even though I was doing a decent job of hiding it, my nerves were shot, but by the time we finally left I was feeling a little better. All of the information was just so overwhelming! We found out that the process to have my eggs preserved is a little more costly than we were first told. It is going to cost around $10,000 and you have to pay it all up front! When my oncologist first told me about the possibility of freezing my eggs (he mentioned this idea to me because there is a 10-20% chance that chemo can cause infertility...possibly an even smaller percentage because of the type of chemo I will be having) he said it would be expensive but I knew right away it was something I definitely wanted to do. Even though the percentage is small I can't take that risk. I would rather be safe than sorry. With all that I am going through I can't give that up too! Sitting in the doctor's office today I was trying to take all of this information in, all while trying not to cry. Not only was I overwhelmed by the cost, which insurance doesn't cover, but I was also overwhelmed by the process itself. If having cancer has taught me anything it's that my pain tolerance is a mile higher than I ever expected it to be, so the doctor discussing how I would have to give myself shots in my stomach for ten days and then have a minor surgical procedure which would be followed by two weeks of pretty intense stomach pains didn't scare me that much. What scares me is the thought of putting off my treatments for that long. The fertility doctor said this entire process will take two to three weeks and I will be able to start chemo therapy right after the surgery. Two to three more weeks! I just don't like the sounds of that. I want this cancer out of my body now! I am not patient about that! I am so anxious to start my treatments even though my oncologist said it will be okay to wait, if I choose to preserve my eggs, since the cancer hasn't spread and since the majority of the cancer was removed during my last surgery. Sitting here taking all of this in made my mind go crazy! As crazy as it may sound, I felt like I was having to choose between putting my own life in danger, by putting off my chemo, or choosing my future baby. It was seriously making me sick to my stomach. Mama knew how worried I was about putting off my treatment, no matter what my doctor said, and about the expense. She kept asking what I thought I needed to do and no matter what, I know that I have to do this. I have always wanted a baby and I know that if I didn't have this procedure done I would spend every day from now until the time I want to get pregnant (and possibly after depending if the chemo causes infertility or not) worrying. That isn't a risk that I am willing to live with! Of course I am praying that these preserved eggs will never even be needed and that I will be able to have a child naturally after chemo therapy, but I am still so thankful for this option. This is just plan B. Either way I'll be calling my future children miracle babies because I know God will take care of this situation just like He's taken care of everything else!
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