New Experiences

2/15/13

      It's hard to believe another week has already gone by. Another week full of doctor appointments and new experiences. On Monday night I attended a two hour long class on In Vitro Fertilization. First of all there was only one other girl in the class besides myself who was not accompanied by her husband. I thought, "Great, I look like I'm here alone while my dead beat baby daddy is off doing who knows what...and I'm not even wearing a ring!" I could either tell people my cancer sob story or make up a really good story about where my "husband" is. Obviously, I wouldn't seriously do either, but both options were tempting! Haha. Also, I was the only patient in the class who wasn't trying to get pregnant. All of the other couples were so excited! I couldn't help but think how at the end of this process (if everything goes as planned) they will be expecting a baby, and all I get is to start chemo therapy. That was one of those times when I have to stop the "life's not fair" moments from remaining in my mind. I simply have to be grateful for this option, my plan B, and leave it at that.
      I thought that Tuesday was actually going to be a fun experience but I was so wrong! Emma, my sister aka my hair advisor, and I were going to Houston to look at wigs. I was warned weeks ago that I will lose my hair during chemo therapy, not that it was really a surprise to me. I have always been extremely funny about my hair...always afraid to cut it short or do anything to the color except get highlights, but after getting this news I let Emma chop it off. I finally realized, well was forced to realize, that it's just hair. It will grow back! Anyways, I had heard that the salon at MD Anderson gave one free wig to each cancer patient, so we decided to check these out first. As soon as we walked in the door the first thing the lady said was "We don't have any blonde wigs here." I was polite and looked at the, no joke, selection of nine or ten wigs they had to choose from, but they all looked too old for me and too dark for my complexion. You can't tell me I'm the only cancer patient with blonde hair! We left the salon and I called mama and I started crying within the first thirty seconds. I know I'm not going to feel like myself during my treatments, but I'm hoping that with the help of a good wig I can at least look like my old self. On Tuesday we ended up going to two more wig shops, and that took up the rest of our day. By the end of the day I was both physically and emotionally drained. Believe it or not, we went to another wig shop that also didn't have blonde wigs. Are you kidding me?! That shop also gave out free wigs to cancer patients. I should've known beforehand that when something is free there is usually a catch! Long story short, I finally found a wonderful salon, where I can get a blonde wig! My oncologist had given me a perscription for a wig so hopefully my insurance will help with the cost considering some of these wigs are quite expensive. Who would've thought wig shopping would've been such a task? Maybe when all this is over I should open up my own shop aimed towards young cancer patients....clearly it's needed!
      On Wednesday evening I began taking my fertility shots. Two shots a day for ten to twelve days. I am so used to getting stuck that a needle is a piece of cake, but having to give myself two shots in my stomach is a different story...that's why I have Mama do it! Tonight while trying to mix the medications and get the shots ready I had a little breakdown, a little pity party. I couldn't believe I was having to go through this on top of everything else, but after a few minutes I got a grip and got through both shots. Last night was the same routine, minus the breakdown. Two shots in my stomach.     Today I was telling my friend about the shots and how my nurse was telling me about the side effects. She said my body would think I was pregnant, then a few days after the procedure it would realize I'm not and start recovering. It's crazy how during this process I am supposed to take prenatal vitamins and to avoid other medications, just like I would do if I really was pregnant. This whole process blows my mind and that's what I have to keep reminding myself every time I get overwhelmed about these shots or the upcoming procedure. I'm doing this all for my future baby. I was kidding around today and said I was going to take pictures of myself getting these shots so my future baby will know all I went though just for them! Haha I said that jokingly but in all seriousness keeping a journal or scrapbook might be a neat idea!
      Today I found out I will be starting my chemo therapy on Thursday, February 28th. Thinking about it too much makes me nervous and anxious, but I am ready to get the show on the road. I just have to pray! The Lord has brought me this far...He won't leave me now!